Now, Look...

... those aren't shorts.  They ought to have their own name.  Perhaps "Naughts." 
They are not cute.  They are not even sexy, in real life.  You can not sit on them.  When you walk your loose skin ripples.  When you stand still with your knees locked, well, from the back you remind me of those flat wooden ice cream spoons, dipped in some dark topping.  Are you sure you didn't get mixed up and buy underwear?  Huh?

Excuse My Stare...

...but, when you run in white pants and a white long sleeved shirt with dark shorts over all, I'm momentarily curious as to whether you really went out in your long underwear.